El Lord Grande Poobah of the World Decrees
If My Plan for World Domination Were Fulfilled and I was Now Your El Lord Grande Poobah of the World I would now come before you to make the following decrees...
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Your El Lord Grande Poobah of the World speaks:
First Decree
I shall flagellate myself once for each person that died on my watch due to this horrible hurricane tragedy. This is totally unexcusable on my part. We saw this storm coming, had time to prepare and people still died. I reserve the right to stretch this out over a matter of weeks, say 50 lashes a day. Until I have accounted for every lost soul. And even after that, I'll probably just continue anyway. Because. it's. completely. inexcusable. I should actually step down from power after displaying the leadership skills of a drunken ox, but we all know that those with power rarely relinquish it because of incompetence. Instead we typically point guilty fingers at easy targets in effort to play "look at the little birdy". Well, no finger pointing for me this day. Only when those at the top are willing to own up to their faults will those underneath feel compelled to act in kind.
Second Decree
The Lord Governor Poobette of the Area in the tragedy will also flagellate themselves. Because it is also inexcusable for them as well. Even if I failed during my watch they should have had the wisdom to take care of you, as this is what I have delegated unto them as their first and foremost responsibility. Even if you were too stubborn to leave your home, they should have had you removed for your own safety. I have taken my share of the burden and confessed my inadequacies already, any finger pointing done in my direction by the Lord Governor Poobette shall result in the removal of the offending digit.
Third Decree
If you interfere with rescue operations regarding any natural disaster even in the slightest, we will be making some changes on your birth certificate. Your last name shall be changed to Recipient. Your first name shall be changed to Target. And your middle name shall be Practice. We understand there may be come confusion to this as there could be several of you running around with the exact same name for awhile. But don't worry, you won't be running around for long, therefore minimizing this confusion.
That is all for now...
This cloud of shame shall never lift from around my head.
__________________________________________
But as I am not currently your El Lord Grande Poobah of the World I cannot actually make these decrees.
Instead I shall just mourn with the rest of you.
______________________________
Your El Lord Grande Poobah of the World speaks:
First Decree
I shall flagellate myself once for each person that died on my watch due to this horrible hurricane tragedy. This is totally unexcusable on my part. We saw this storm coming, had time to prepare and people still died. I reserve the right to stretch this out over a matter of weeks, say 50 lashes a day. Until I have accounted for every lost soul. And even after that, I'll probably just continue anyway. Because. it's. completely. inexcusable. I should actually step down from power after displaying the leadership skills of a drunken ox, but we all know that those with power rarely relinquish it because of incompetence. Instead we typically point guilty fingers at easy targets in effort to play "look at the little birdy". Well, no finger pointing for me this day. Only when those at the top are willing to own up to their faults will those underneath feel compelled to act in kind.
Second Decree
The Lord Governor Poobette of the Area in the tragedy will also flagellate themselves. Because it is also inexcusable for them as well. Even if I failed during my watch they should have had the wisdom to take care of you, as this is what I have delegated unto them as their first and foremost responsibility. Even if you were too stubborn to leave your home, they should have had you removed for your own safety. I have taken my share of the burden and confessed my inadequacies already, any finger pointing done in my direction by the Lord Governor Poobette shall result in the removal of the offending digit.
Third Decree
If you interfere with rescue operations regarding any natural disaster even in the slightest, we will be making some changes on your birth certificate. Your last name shall be changed to Recipient. Your first name shall be changed to Target. And your middle name shall be Practice. We understand there may be come confusion to this as there could be several of you running around with the exact same name for awhile. But don't worry, you won't be running around for long, therefore minimizing this confusion.
That is all for now...
This cloud of shame shall never lift from around my head.
__________________________________________
But as I am not currently your El Lord Grande Poobah of the World I cannot actually make these decrees.
Instead I shall just mourn with the rest of you.
1 Comments:
Dearest El Lord Grande Poobah of the World,
Might I suggest that if assistance is offered from any of the lesser Poobahs of other minor kingdoms, that you not accept their offers. To do so would tarnish your Poobah pride.
-Serf Dewdew
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