Do Not Frell with Happy Fun Grend

Happy FUN Grend!

-only $2,342,995.95-

• Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid any exposure to Happy Fun Grend. Because he may kill and eat you.
  
• Caution: Happy Fun Grend may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Or he may remain a lump.
  
• Happy Fun Grend contains a unstable core, which, if exposed due to idiocy, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Unless you are MooCow. Then you can touch it. Go on.. touch it.
  
• Do not abuse Happy Fun Grend on concrete. He prefers asphault.
  

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Grend if any of the following occurs:

• Itching of your private areas.
  
• Vertigo. Hitchcock rocks. Pay attention, and you'll see him.
  
• Dizziness. Try to be friends with the ground.
  
• Tingling in your middish-lower extremity.
• Loss of balance or coordination in your middish-lower extremity.
• Slurred speech. Unless he's really really drunk.
  
• Temporary blindness. Unless it's a tie up and blind fold game.
  
• Profuse sweating (see temporary blindness)
  
• Heart palpitations (see profuse sweating)
  

If Happy Fun Grend begins to smoke, rip off the mask and see who is impersonating him. Happy Fun Grend would never smoke.

Happy Fun Grend may stick to certain types of skin. So might some of his fluids.

When not in use, Happy Fun Grend should be returned to his special receptacle and kept under constant surveilance.

Failure to comply with Grend's wishes releases the makers of Happy Fun Grend, Grendku Industries, and its parent company Grend31 Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Grend include an unknown gooey substance which was found in a dumpster in the back of a Country Kitchen.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Grend.

Happy Fun Grend comes with a lifetime guarantee. His lifetime.

Happy Fun Grend

ACCEPT SUBSTITUTES IF YOU CAN!

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This post has been ruthlessly and violently ripped from the bowels of SNL. You know, back in the days when it was funny-ish. Sort of.