Grendku Great Old One Summoning Ceremony

Typically this is the part of the post where you all get an apology for having been used as my unsuspecting arcane summoning guineau pigs. You see those six words, when used in the right combination, have the unholy power to conjure up one of the Great Old Ones. Unfortunately I do not know the correct order. Thus my nefarious plan was to have you all assemble them in different ways to see if you would unknowingly bring forth That Which Eternally Slumbers in It's Own Eyesnot and Navel Lint. If my research serves me well I believe its name is Yog Pishtosh. Or something like that. But alas there will be no apologies, as I've found that insane evil occultists such as myself aren't really under any obligation to offer apologies. At least that's what the manual says. And those of you that know me well know I run things by the book!

And now, on with the unbeknownst to you, the summoning-frenzy-fest!

Serra sorceriously spake saying...

Nubile soaked frantic
the wombat impure
the harness is trashed

*low rumbling and the ground shakes briefly*

Dammit. That's just my tummy- it's almost lunchtime. It does leave me wondering if the harness was meant for the wombat or something else though. Perhaps it will always remain a mystery. Let me rephrase that. Hopefully it will always remain a mystery. Sadly this did not summon up Yog Pishtosh. But worry not Serra, you will be spared despite this shortcoming. Mainly because if I started up with you now.. as you will soon see, it'd have to be on one helluva blog-stalking-murderous-road-trip-from-hell that I simply don't want to start. So I'm not paying attention to the chapter in my Insane Evil Occultist manual entitled "When Your Unknowing Blog Summoners Fail You, Begin Your Murderous Rampage Swiftly". Skipping that chapter completely in fact.

katehopeeden cravingly chants...

Sometimes I have the
most impure thoughts about you
the way you looked...

I am frantic when you call
a nervous wombat
soaked with anticipation...

I miss how you smell
mere minutes after you're gone
you have harnessed my thoughts...

*There is an eruption of green noxious gases in the area*

*grend31 groans*

Ohhhhh.. my tummy really is on the fritz. Sorry about that. Well phooey, that was an apology again wasn't it? I really don't have this insane evil occultist down very well yet. Bear with me. I'll get the hang of this eventually. I promise. Kate we need to work on a LifeMate summoning spell for you one of these days. Maybe Yog Pishtosh knows a trick or two. Sadly your incantation didn't quite cut the ethereal mustard. It's still not with us yet.

dewdew raises his staff high and thunderously evokes...

The frantic drool-soaked wombat
nibbled the impure
nubile princess’ harness

I went in search of
The shy, elusive wombat
My journey begins

I harness my mount
And set out across the land
In search of the beast

Nearing a small town
I ask a young lass for help
Naïve and nubile

We travel for days
Through showers and thunderstorms
Now soaked to the bone

Then as the night falls
We hear a creature cry out
It sounds so frantic

Filled with impure thoughts
I strip off all of her clothes
And take the young girl

*claps wildly!!*

Now that was an ending worth waiting for! Oh crap.. I forgot the special effects. Gimme a sec...

*my moon eclipses the sun*

Well, it had to be something spectacular with that wicked good ending now didn't it? Still no Yog Pishtosh though. I think it's shy and doesn't wanna come out from whatever random hell dimension it's napping in yet. By the way, that was pretty much the budget for special effects for this Ceremony so don't expect much for the upcoming awards. But no Yog Pishtosh again. Damn damn and damn!

Beowo1|= necromoniously yet erotically murmurs...

wombat harness near,
frantic impure thoughts have i,
soaked in nubile juice.

*The previously clear blue sky turns dark as pitch and begins dropping hail and lightning on us all*

That's a cheap effect. It does that all time to us here. Bloody weather. Now a harness made of wombats. Interesting thought. Or wait.. is it a harness for wombats... we didn't want to go there before, but now I'm afraid we must. On the one hand we've got porn for fur traders. On the other, we have porn for marsupials. Ok, we're very much done going there now. And. still. no. Yog. *sigh*

sandra invokes the furry spirits...

Impure thoughts soaked the wombat
Nubile and frantic
Tried to harness the feeling

Ok, before we get to Sandra's special effect I simply must must must clarify something. When I said furry spirits above.. I meant natural creatures.. foxes, wolves, bunnies... you know.. cool druidical stuffs. Not those people who dress up in animal costumes to get their rocks off. M'kay? Alright.. sorry about that Sandra... now we'll get on with it...

I mean, not that there's anything *wrong* with that... the animal costume thing... Anyway..

*Momentarily you are running through the Australian outback looking for a hot pouched babe to bag. Or perhaps it's the case you are looking for a slick smooth stud to get in the sack. (this is where you get to pummel me for the really really bad marsupial puns) OW. OW. OW. Enough already!*

Alright while it didn't bring forth the Great Old One it certainly took us on an animal spirit ride. Kudos on your first Grendku Sandra!

kendra playfully petitions the pixies that be...

harness soaked through, sweet nubile
wombat freed, under
me... impure. wet. delicious.

Ok, while this completely and utterly failed to bring forth Yog Pishtosh, it totally inspired the best daydream I've had in months. And no, I'm not sharing it with you. Ah, the life of this wombat is truly to be coveted. I mean c'mon folks, you can't honestly say the wombat has a bad gig going on here. Unless he's actually gonna get eaten and this isn't meant to be erotic at all. I mean delicious could mean he's gonna get eaten right? Well now this Grendku frightens me. Sonovabitch, totally missed the special effect *again*.

I'm too distraught now thinking of some poor wombat being taken out of a foil harness, steaming in wombat gravy to work in a special effect. I can even hear the carving knives being slowly sharpened. Now I'm getting hungry. Well, as many things do, this Grendku brought me from erotic daydreams to dread to hunger. Still not sure if I wanna be that wombat though.

dewdew speaks in tongues (only one of the many fantastic uses for his tongue mind you)...

qcsuw coposn
eievoqp ddsehbrq klmbh
cbjzpyl wjckg

*A glowing encircled red pentagram appears under dewdew and whisks him off to Password Purgatory where he will be made to attone for his overuse of Blogger passwords in posts*

That'll teach him. Or not.

MooCow glibly grumps...

I do not want to
use any of the words, But
DewDew just did that.

*deathly silence comes over the Lair*

*we all wait for the impending summoning that simply must happen after so many noble attempts were made*

*grend31 breaks the wind and the silence*

Awwww.. c'mon man.. not even one frelling word in there from the six and it's your only entry? How the frell was I supposed to conjure It up with an attempt like that? I mean granted, a vortex above you did open and began pelting you with little screaming smurfs that explode like swollen blueberries when they hit you so there was definitely something magical in your verses.. but yeesh.. Not a single damned word.

Well I'm back to my robes and virgins and candles and such to see if I can just do this the old fashioned way.