Yeessssss we can be alone now my precious...
So my wife is leaving me all alone this evening and tomorrow.
Here are some of the options I have come up with regarding possible activities:
1.) Wild hedonistic drunken orgy. Except you need to know people who do that kind of thing. Which kinda leaves me not so high and very dry. And you kinda need to have some serious stamina for that kind of thing to work out well. I'm totally out of shape. Plus I hear you can get some serious cooties from that type of activity. *shudder* I -hate- cooties. I'm also guessing these type of people don't clean up after themselves and as I'm a bit of a neat freak... come to think of it, these slobs probably wouldn't really be welcome in my home anyway. They be tromping around with their shoes on and bringing in goats and causing a ruckus.. the police would be called... oy. Let's review:
Fun Factor = highly questionable
Mess Factor = potentially unruly
Wife Justifiably Killing and/or Castrating You Factor = very high
Alright, WHDO is Right Out.
2.) Deep meditation and total body relaxation to cleanse the impuries from my chakras. Except I really don't have a full month to do this. Which is the time needed to really open up my spiritual sluices and fully drain my outstanding collection of impurities I've scrounged up over the past decade or so.
Fun Factor = very bloody low
Mess Factor = dependent on the drainage I have set up
Wife Justifiably Killing and/or Castrating You Factor = nil to none
No time for this. Moving on to the next!
3.) I could do chores. Lots of chores. I have a list of stuff to do such that if I took no sleep I could start when she left and still be going at it when she returned. This is what I *should* do.
Fun Factor = toss a sheet full of negative numbers in a black hole
Mess Factor = negative in relation to hours spent
Wife Justifiably Killing and/or Castrating You Factor = (see Fun Factor rating)
Lots of negative ratings here... doesn't look promising...
4.) Play computer game/addiction of choice. Not the wisest choice, but the most statistically likely of all options.
Fun Factor = highest of the four, by far
Mess Factor = mostly harmless
Wife Justifiably Killing and/or Castrating You Factor = low to midling (if i seriously outlevel her...)
Well, did I miss anything here?
Any other options available to me?
I'm looking for some guidance here people!
Don't leave me to my lack of self-control...
15 Comments:
Hello, I came upon your blog by hitting NEXT BLOG...and I have to say I think your really funny, but you forgot to consider midget mud wrestling. I dont know how it would rate on the wife killing you scale, it would be a mess, but sounds like GREAT fun...my daughter loves the legendary pink dots AND skinny puppy I cant believe someone else listens to that stuff. ANYHOW have fun with the wife gone...Im leaving for the weekend (las vegas) but I am leaving all the kids home with dad. No midget mud wrestling for him.....
Mom
MtN,
I do, in fact listen to that stuff. And enjoy it even!
And how in all of all the multiverses out there could I have missed midget mud wrestling? I do believe that the politically correct phrase would be "Greco-Roman Little Person Matches in Watery Dirt". We here at this blog like to remain respectful of all people in whatever shapes and sizes they happen to come in. Particularly the ones with "huge tracts of land".
I vote for chores! O please! The fun factor will take place later, trust me.
There's a surprise vote for #3 from my dear wife. Anyone surprised? I didn't think so.
Yeah, but she promises fun later.
Which is considerably sooner than I will be having any.
I was all about the WHDO until I saw goats.
I don't do goats.
No matter what you've heard.
~K
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Yeah, the "later" thing has me intrigued. We'll have to see how that plays out.
And the goats concern me as well. I'm more of a llama man.
i vote: lacework.
i think you have the required dexterity.
Miss Kendra, I do have the dexterity.
It's the skill I sorely lack.
It's Sunday now, whatcha doing?
Did you pick chores?
come on... be honest.. later peaked your interest didn't it?
I would have done one or 2 chores then gone to video games/latest addiction... but that's just me.
My logic astounds me.
Chores completed this weekend:
laundry
checked the gutters
dumped enzyme buildup remover down pipes
cleaned furnace filters*
mowed lawn
shredded junk mail
*dishwasher broke in the middle of this task. Yay.
And had time to play on the computer a bit. Upon reflection- not a bad weekend at all in terms of productivity.
"dumped enzyme buildup remover down pipes"
What is this "enzyme buildup remover" of which you speak?
I have been having mucho plumbling issues as of late.
~K
did you try the dishwasher again? maybe it was your superpowers showing itself again.
Kate:
try "Drain Out® Enzyme Build Up Remover". dewdew turned me on to this stuff. it does wonders. it basically is like a colonic for your pipes. removes nasty build up and the like that your typical clog removers do not have the power to clear.
Paula:
An excellent idea. I tried almost a dozen or so rinse cycles. No such luck. She's broke and bad.
Wow... that's some productive weekend.
Congrats on finding the time to play too.
Sorry about the dishwasher, unfortunately you have increased your daily chore list.
Sad thing is I actually had more I wanted to get done, but was too lazy to do. Ah well.
I have been fortunate with the dishes thus far. My lovely wife has been taking care of them. She also scheduled someone to fix the dishwasher on Saturday.
*sigh*
(luckiest guy in the world sigh, that was)
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