That's MISTER Grinch to you Who-boy
5 Reasons Why I Hate Christmas
5.) Red and green do not go together. Some stupid wanker out there heard that red and green were "complimentary colors" and went overboard on the decorations.
Open letter to the idiot who did this:
Dear Idiot:
These colors do NOT compliment one another. "Complimentary colors" in this case are colors that are across from one another on the color wheel. Which clash like gay pirates and homophobic ninjas at a formal dance ball. Idiot.
Sincerely,
One really pissed off Grend31
The idiotic unwashed masses (see #1), of course, fell right into line and decided that this clashing of color was a fantastic idea. This stupid wanker has probably been trying to find a way to get Thanksgiving turned into the orange and blue holiday after which he'll work towards a trifecta of color calamity and get New Year's colors dedicated as purple and yellow. At which point I believe the 7th Seal will be broken and I'm going to find a nice quiet place to sit down and disembowel myself to avoid whatever happens next.
4.) Bastard child of mythologies that makes little sense but somehow got adopted by the unwashed masses anyway. "You've got your nativity in my yule!" said Santa. "Your yule is in my nativity!" said Jeebus. It's like some sick theological Reeses peanut butter cup but without the chocolately-peanut-buttery goodness. It's really a testament that Christianity has totally wimped out. They've gone from bloody crusades where infidels were tortured in pretty much the most gruesome fashion imaginable, to letting their children believe in elves and erect little pagan trees of worship in their homes. An argument could be made that the pagans have won.
3.) Consumerism runs amok. Every frelling company out there wants their piece of the "Christmas spending pie". And they aren't afraid to try to shout louder than the greedy bastard next to them to get it. If I see one more inane news snippet about how Christmas spending is down and merchants are "suffering" for it I'm going to rip out my eyeballs and eat them. Boo-fucking-hoo for them.
2.) Travel in crappy weather. Yeah, let's celebrate this mutant hybrid of a holiday in the season where the weather outside can kill people. Great fucking idea. Maybe your car will end up on ditch on some lonely iced highway and you'll be left to freeze. Maybe some tail-gating cretin in an SUV will forget about the well known phenomenon of black ice and will redecorate the back of your auto with the front of his. Maybe your plane's engines will ice up in transit and you'll fall from the sky like a rock. But hey, it's all worth it to get those presents there on time isn't it?
1.) Idiots that cross our paths. They are everywhere. Waiting for you like pants bandits at a drunken prom. On the roads, in the stores, at work, on the television. It's like the holiday halves people's IQs. Ask a coworker why they are so miserable. Christmas shopping not done yet. Ask another. Holiday plans with the in-laws. Ask another. Credit card debt is forcing him to take out a third mortgage and sell his firstborn into white slavery. All self-inflicted lunacy. I have no sympathy for these morons. And yes, that *is* MISTER Grinch to you Who-boy.
5.) Red and green do not go together. Some stupid wanker out there heard that red and green were "complimentary colors" and went overboard on the decorations.
Open letter to the idiot who did this:
Dear Idiot:
These colors do NOT compliment one another. "Complimentary colors" in this case are colors that are across from one another on the color wheel. Which clash like gay pirates and homophobic ninjas at a formal dance ball. Idiot.
Sincerely,
One really pissed off Grend31
The idiotic unwashed masses (see #1), of course, fell right into line and decided that this clashing of color was a fantastic idea. This stupid wanker has probably been trying to find a way to get Thanksgiving turned into the orange and blue holiday after which he'll work towards a trifecta of color calamity and get New Year's colors dedicated as purple and yellow. At which point I believe the 7th Seal will be broken and I'm going to find a nice quiet place to sit down and disembowel myself to avoid whatever happens next.
4.) Bastard child of mythologies that makes little sense but somehow got adopted by the unwashed masses anyway. "You've got your nativity in my yule!" said Santa. "Your yule is in my nativity!" said Jeebus. It's like some sick theological Reeses peanut butter cup but without the chocolately-peanut-buttery goodness. It's really a testament that Christianity has totally wimped out. They've gone from bloody crusades where infidels were tortured in pretty much the most gruesome fashion imaginable, to letting their children believe in elves and erect little pagan trees of worship in their homes. An argument could be made that the pagans have won.
3.) Consumerism runs amok. Every frelling company out there wants their piece of the "Christmas spending pie". And they aren't afraid to try to shout louder than the greedy bastard next to them to get it. If I see one more inane news snippet about how Christmas spending is down and merchants are "suffering" for it I'm going to rip out my eyeballs and eat them. Boo-fucking-hoo for them.
2.) Travel in crappy weather. Yeah, let's celebrate this mutant hybrid of a holiday in the season where the weather outside can kill people. Great fucking idea. Maybe your car will end up on ditch on some lonely iced highway and you'll be left to freeze. Maybe some tail-gating cretin in an SUV will forget about the well known phenomenon of black ice and will redecorate the back of your auto with the front of his. Maybe your plane's engines will ice up in transit and you'll fall from the sky like a rock. But hey, it's all worth it to get those presents there on time isn't it?
1.) Idiots that cross our paths. They are everywhere. Waiting for you like pants bandits at a drunken prom. On the roads, in the stores, at work, on the television. It's like the holiday halves people's IQs. Ask a coworker why they are so miserable. Christmas shopping not done yet. Ask another. Holiday plans with the in-laws. Ask another. Credit card debt is forcing him to take out a third mortgage and sell his firstborn into white slavery. All self-inflicted lunacy. I have no sympathy for these morons. And yes, that *is* MISTER Grinch to you Who-boy.
9 Comments:
i object!
purple and yelow totally look nice together, when functioning as the clothing for a little redhaired toddler girl.
and only then.
This will be allowed only under the following circumstances:
1.) She is also wearing a horned helm.
2.) She is involved in one of the following: pillaging, plundering or trading on the NYSE. Redundant, yes I know.
Ok, Grend.
That. Is. Enough.
No more spreading holiday cheer for you.
I mean, buying gifts for everyone in the blogosphere was one thing, but this? This is too much.
You have to stop being so "Mr. Christmas"
Sheesh.
:P
And bah-humbug right back at cha!
~K
Ooooo.. thanks for reminding me Kate. I should probably do a Scrooge-themed one as well.
um... I object to the red and green not going to gether either... have you never seen a rose?
they are red and green and many people (myself not being one of them) find them quite lovely...
but whatever...
Well, it looks like I'm totally outvoted here. Two to one even. Crushed like a bug. Apparently green and red do go together and I'm utterly wrong about this.
I expect you all to be wearing green and red jumpsuits for the holidays as they are so fetching.
>:)
Bah buttplug.
If by jealous you mean "envious of his ability to completely blind partially blind people at 100 yards" then yes, I'm so very jealous.
*snicker*
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