It has been wonderful knowing you all...
But the time has come for me to go tempt the Grim Reaper with my withery wispy remnants of my mortal life.
That's right, I'm going to go have a Sportsman for lunch. Oh. You guys don't know what a Sportsman is. Well, let me start at the beginning. A long time ago in a restaurant not so far away called TGF Beta's, on a menu in the quadrant of cholesterol hell one was able to find "The Sportsman."
The Sportsman consists of two eggs cooked to your preference, a mound of butter saturated hashbrowns, three fat sausages and three buttermilk pancakes with your own bottle of maple syrup. This description does not even begin to do it justice. It's served on two platters. Not plates... platters. It's a choice-culinary-creation-of-cardio-carnage. Or at least it was. TGF Beta's closed many months ago. And the Sportsman was no more. My coworker and I have shared many a tear over this. Until now. Last week, upon a traditional walk past our lost mecca of morbid obesity we saw the warm glow of the "open" sign beckoning us back in, like the syrupy scent the venus flytrap emits to lure in prey. We resisted then, but we can resist no more. Today we go to meet our fate. If we do not return, know we died happy.
And I've finally figured out why it's called The Sportsman. One might think that when you engage in this meal it's like trying to stalk big game and take them down with but a fork and knife. Oh no my friends. This is not why this meal is called The Sportsman. This meal is hunting you.
That's right, I'm going to go have a Sportsman for lunch. Oh. You guys don't know what a Sportsman is. Well, let me start at the beginning. A long time ago in a restaurant not so far away called TGF Beta's, on a menu in the quadrant of cholesterol hell one was able to find "The Sportsman."
The Sportsman consists of two eggs cooked to your preference, a mound of butter saturated hashbrowns, three fat sausages and three buttermilk pancakes with your own bottle of maple syrup. This description does not even begin to do it justice. It's served on two platters. Not plates... platters. It's a choice-culinary-creation-of-cardio-carnage. Or at least it was. TGF Beta's closed many months ago. And the Sportsman was no more. My coworker and I have shared many a tear over this. Until now. Last week, upon a traditional walk past our lost mecca of morbid obesity we saw the warm glow of the "open" sign beckoning us back in, like the syrupy scent the venus flytrap emits to lure in prey. We resisted then, but we can resist no more. Today we go to meet our fate. If we do not return, know we died happy.
And I've finally figured out why it's called The Sportsman. One might think that when you engage in this meal it's like trying to stalk big game and take them down with but a fork and knife. Oh no my friends. This is not why this meal is called The Sportsman. This meal is hunting you.
10 Comments:
This is not nearly as exciting, but I know what you mean. We have a restaurant next to Fantasy Disco Ford, where I work, that serves AWESOME food. It's a little more than I care to spend on a daily basis, but very good.
They have a salad that I love. I know, I know, "salad" sounds so chic. But, this salad far surpasses any that I have had before. Lettuce is like 13%, that's all. The rest is tomatoes, chicken, cheese, bacon... there's more too, but I can't think of it. Anyway, the salad weighs like five pounds from all of the crap piled on it.
It is VERY good and you can't finish one to save you life :)
~K
there's a twelve egg "everything" omelette in pacific beach that i've been trying to get someone to eat.
(i'm allergic to eggs, remember...)
interested?
Kate: I beg to differ. Your "salad" sounds absolutely exciting. It actually sounds like a misnomer. I think what you've got there is a five pound bacon cheese and chicken sammich that's had the bread replaced with lettuce. My mouth is watering.
Miss Kendra: I could do that omelette. In a heartbeat. If I still have one. A big "if" in about two hours.
yummm. breakfast.
Yes Sandra, the only meal that can replace either of the other two meals. It never works vice versa quite right.
UPDATE:
They have a new menu. The Sportsman is no more. I tried to piece it together through ordering, but it twas not to be. The Sportsman is dead. I'm weeping openly in my cube.
Well yeah but weeping is a normal Wednesday activity for you...
Only because you are so very far away from my loving touch MooCow. *touch*
Go find a Heckel's Big Steer--they should have something equally heart-stopping.
The "ET special" at the Flying Saucer here in Niagara Falls is pretty Darn close to your Sportman...
Sausage, Bacon, 3 eggs, hash browns, 2 or 3 pancakes and coffee...
It's HUGE!!!
oh - and toast... don't forget the toast... cause... what's breakfast with out toast.
Interested?
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