The Grend31 Holiday Special
It's snowing sideways here. Just another facet of The Holiday Sickness I could do without. Someday I'm going to renounce all holidays and deny their existence. No more "tossing of the ill-thawed turkey", no more unneeded shopping sprees amongst the unwashed masses, no more holiday depression.
Let's just do a quick check on the Seven Deadly Sins and how they stack up on the holidays.
Pride: Overconfidence in our ability to make others happy. Because buying people things will make them happy. The bigger and more expensive the better. This should definitely make up for a year's worth of neglect and apathy. Really. It will. If you tell yourself that enough, you may even begin to believe it. And once you are able to convince yourself of this, it's just the beginning of a wonderful farcical self-delusional journey to complete and utter denial.
Envy: Someone else is bound to get or give a better gift than we will receive or offer. Someone is bound to have a better time than we could ever hope to have. Because that's life man. Cope.
Gluttony: The traditional feast, overeating, food poisoning and recovery. Because binging and purging is next to godliness. Well, a hedonist god maybe. All Hail Bacchus!
Lust: As we are busy with gluttony, why stop with the overindulgence of that single orifice when we have all these other sensitive parts to over-stimulate as well?
Anger: A holiday just isn't a holiday without the traditional Complete and Total Losing of the Temper at least once or twice. It's always a good idea to make sure that the enraging subject matter is banal or is something you are completely wrong about.
Greed: Because it's all about the getting of stuff. Isn't it? I mean that's what the television, the paper, the stores and the radio tell us. Constantly. Don't we use the threat/reward system with our children? Santa is just one big bribery operation really. I guess it's good for kids to learn that lesson early in life. Don't frell with The Man or he'll take away your goodies.
Sloth: Who isn't a slug on the holidays? Granted those who do slave away over the stove for days on end preparing for it may miss out on a little of this one, but they more than make up for it as a tool for Gluttony.
Let's just do a quick check on the Seven Deadly Sins and how they stack up on the holidays.
Pride: Overconfidence in our ability to make others happy. Because buying people things will make them happy. The bigger and more expensive the better. This should definitely make up for a year's worth of neglect and apathy. Really. It will. If you tell yourself that enough, you may even begin to believe it. And once you are able to convince yourself of this, it's just the beginning of a wonderful farcical self-delusional journey to complete and utter denial.
Envy: Someone else is bound to get or give a better gift than we will receive or offer. Someone is bound to have a better time than we could ever hope to have. Because that's life man. Cope.
Gluttony: The traditional feast, overeating, food poisoning and recovery. Because binging and purging is next to godliness. Well, a hedonist god maybe. All Hail Bacchus!
Lust: As we are busy with gluttony, why stop with the overindulgence of that single orifice when we have all these other sensitive parts to over-stimulate as well?
Anger: A holiday just isn't a holiday without the traditional Complete and Total Losing of the Temper at least once or twice. It's always a good idea to make sure that the enraging subject matter is banal or is something you are completely wrong about.
Greed: Because it's all about the getting of stuff. Isn't it? I mean that's what the television, the paper, the stores and the radio tell us. Constantly. Don't we use the threat/reward system with our children? Santa is just one big bribery operation really. I guess it's good for kids to learn that lesson early in life. Don't frell with The Man or he'll take away your goodies.
Sloth: Who isn't a slug on the holidays? Granted those who do slave away over the stove for days on end preparing for it may miss out on a little of this one, but they more than make up for it as a tool for Gluttony.
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