It's funny you should mention this Mr. Wo1|=. No, really it is. *flips though charts* Yep, out of all the other participants you were the only one scheduled for chip insertion via our patented Rectal Implanting technique. Something or other about "easiest access" and "most likely not to even notice" is noted in your chart. Looks like the data was accurate. Our Legal Department won the pool and had the honor of making your award for you this week:
Bitty Bug-Board Buried in your Benumbed Bung Award. They are quite proud of their creation, eyes all aglow even. Or maybe that's just the evil they find so hard to contain *shrug*.
Ms. Kate, while your suggestion regarding tagging Mr. Cow twice was initially taken under advisement (as Mr. Cow is sometimes difficult to keep tabs on these days) it was decided that your RFID tracking device was to reach its initial intended target. We sent over Agent Fabio to perform the sub-dermal implanting and informed him not to disturb your slumber, simply because we are heartless bastards. The Legal Department won the pool to create your award:
Totally Threadbare Tagging by the Tranquil Tantalizing Tiger Award. And as the award implies, he was instructed to perform this operation whilest completely in the buff. His final report:
Mission(ary) Almost Accomplished. Oh, and tracking device in place, sir.Miss Kendra appears to have a firm grasp on one of our favorite words here at Grendku Industries. She also appears to be full of an adequate amount of dread and fear. With a touch of loathing even. A very tasty dish. She does make one small error that we in Management need to address in her award:
Erroneously Engendering Evil Electronics that Expose Every Element of your Existence Award. It's easy to mistakingly personify this service we are providing. If you do plan to personify, we recommend you use a "naughty vicar" motif instead of the "friendly big brother" motif.
Mr. Dew, your mastubatory habits are already very well known to us. What we are hoping to catch a glimpse of is what you do the brief stints between. Our Quantum Mechanics Division is quite interested in finding your secret of "getting things done" betwist "getting your thing done". At least that's how they stated it in their business proposal. Mr. Dew, the folks in QuantMechDiv "came up" with this award for you:
Savor the Several Seconds Sans Spanking the Stiff Salami Award. Yes, they are a bunch of virgin science nerds who think they are clever. Just leave them be. The Legal Department occasionally needs a fresh virgin for sacrifices and QMD can always provide.
Now this little ditty shows some moxie! We like it. Except then you'd know where your tag was Darth, and you'd try to remove it or nullify it. We are on to your plan and shan't fall for such a simple trick. Granted we love your brash disregard for the discomfort we could inflict upon you during the process. Inhuman Resources was chomping at the bit for rights to this award, but as our Legal Department specializes in this kind of pain, it was given to them:
Pining for the Probing Pain and Parting Passage of Privacy Award. It's brief, but brevity is bliss in the best of these bits. As a side note, Beo got to know his award location simply because we know his bung is kept too sore for him to touch in any way.
Ms. Lady Dragonfly you have nothing to fear. Our professionalism is only exceeded by our greed and flagrant disregard for your personal space. Our other plan, which was nixed by our Legal Department, was to have you all abducted by use of high powered rifles with tranquilizer darts, brought to Grendku Industries, subjected to various medical and magical experiments and have the RFID tags implanted at this time. Inhuman Resources won the pool to do the tranq-dart hunting thusly enraging the Legal Department who summarily put the kibosh on the whole operation. They really wanted to put on their city-camo paint and do some civilian stalking and they sure let IR know it. Ms. Lady Dragonfly to you is given:
Wistfully Wonder if it Would have been Worse Award.
As usual send your complaints to the Inhuman Resources Department who will then forward them to the Legal Department who will most likely inform you to go to one of the Hells and be gracious enough to give you an accurate map and detailed directions.
-The Management
I've got somewhere for your tag.
Bend over for me.
Jam this where the sun dont shine.