The RFID Scare
Many of you may be a bit concerned with the new proposed applications of the RFID chip. I am here to tell you that your worries are all in vain. We live in a country where misuse of such technology simply could not happen. The following scenarios are simply inconceivable in our nation where freedom and privacy of the individual is maintained through our vigilant watch over our rights:
Regarding product-based RFIDs:
1.) Corporations would never be able to send out scanning vans through your neighborhoods and collect data on all your purchases through the RFIDs on products that you have in your household. Because that would be an invasion of your privacy. Which is very wrong. And bad.
2.) The Department of Homeland Security would never use this technology to gather similiar data on suspect citizens without a warrant to search their home. Because that wouldn't be due process. And we all know that the DHS values the concept of due process. Really. They do. They think about the Bill of Rights. A lot.
Regarding individual-implanted RFIDs:
1.) Hackers, corporations and the government would never to able to illegally access any personal information implanted on your sub-dermal RFID implant because that technology is 100% secure. Just like all of the wireless networks currently deployed across our nation.
2.) Even if they were able to access the RFID data, those hackers, corporations and the government wouldn't be able to read the data unless you want them to read it. Because the data will be encrypted. Fortunately for us, encryption can never be broken and is a perfect stand-alone security protocol. Really. You won't find any other security on those hackers, corporations and government networks other than encryption. You won't find firewalls, or access lists or anything like that. Really.
So as you can see, we are all safe and sound. There's no reason to fret. Now if you all don't mind I'm going to go to the grocery store and buy all of the tin foil they have. I'll be taking the next few days off of work to wrap my home and making helmets.
Regarding product-based RFIDs:
1.) Corporations would never be able to send out scanning vans through your neighborhoods and collect data on all your purchases through the RFIDs on products that you have in your household. Because that would be an invasion of your privacy. Which is very wrong. And bad.
2.) The Department of Homeland Security would never use this technology to gather similiar data on suspect citizens without a warrant to search their home. Because that wouldn't be due process. And we all know that the DHS values the concept of due process. Really. They do. They think about the Bill of Rights. A lot.
Regarding individual-implanted RFIDs:
1.) Hackers, corporations and the government would never to able to illegally access any personal information implanted on your sub-dermal RFID implant because that technology is 100% secure. Just like all of the wireless networks currently deployed across our nation.
2.) Even if they were able to access the RFID data, those hackers, corporations and the government wouldn't be able to read the data unless you want them to read it. Because the data will be encrypted. Fortunately for us, encryption can never be broken and is a perfect stand-alone security protocol. Really. You won't find any other security on those hackers, corporations and government networks other than encryption. You won't find firewalls, or access lists or anything like that. Really.
So as you can see, we are all safe and sound. There's no reason to fret. Now if you all don't mind I'm going to go to the grocery store and buy all of the tin foil they have. I'll be taking the next few days off of work to wrap my home and making helmets.
18 Comments:
you can mail my helmet.
i think i need a size "medium."
my dog will need a size small.
I'll be taking the next few days off of work to wrap my home and making helmets.
Would you mind making me one too? Preferably with little antennae... you know, so they will think I am not human and just pass me by.
The antennae.. that's my plan. Stick with me.
~K
Miss Kendra: I would be happy to supply you and your pup protection from this most inappropriate probing. Sadly it appears the government has now outlawed tin and aluminum foil. When will the madness end?
Kate: I will *not* give the government any excuse to mistake you for an alien Kate. Do you have any idea what they do to aliens? They do autopsies and then hide the evidence by having an interoffice barbecue the next day. Absofrickinglutely not.
Thank god I stocked up on tin foil when Bush got re-elected.
Tax Breaks for the Corporations so they can spy on us!!!!
Well Dewdew you know those portable RFID scanners are going to cost a bundle. They need those tax breaks to be able to afford them.
I am sad. I don't know what a freakin' RFID is. I need to read more and watch the completely impartial news sometimes.
I will *not* give the government any excuse to mistake you for an alien Kate.
Silly boy, not alien - insect.
The government doesn't give two shits about insects. If they did, there would be a helluva lot less mosquitoes :)
~K
Vegas: Yeah, I'd catch up on this one if you have the time. It's rather insidious and evil.
Kate: Poor sweet naive Kate. You think the government has the visual acuity to really tell the difference between an alien and an insect? I mean really? They could barely see a storm coming.
It's a good thing that Gordon Food Service has such nifty bigassed rolls of tin foil, isn't it?
With just three ginormous ones, I should be able to wrap up Honey, Garand, H'sMa, Dogs 1 and 2, Cat, and me! I'm going to recruit a friend to make beaded tin foil cape pins.
What about filling your house with a lot of magnets? Would that block 'em?
Serra: Oooo, bulk foil. I totally need to get in on that action.
Alice: I'm not aware of the RF interference rating of duct tape. And as duct tape is the primary force holding the universe together I'd hate to put extra stress on it. Plus there are those hairy bits as you mentioned. *wince*
Vegas: Electro-magnets might. But with power costs on the rise, this solution may get spendy fast. Then there are the side effects of living in massive electro-magnetic fields. Tumors, mutations, really poor cell phone reception... neighbors cars being pulled through the side of your home.
ok, i feel much safer and sounder now. or..is that the tinfoil talkin?
*quack*
Is this post a sarcasm on the scare of RFID? Its laced with Titanic like comments like:
"that technology is 100% secure"
This post isn't so much dripping with sarcasm as it is made from large brickish bits of sarcasm and held together with a sardonic cement. Hope that clears things up.
That was all sarcasm? Oh, now I get it.
rmhrxbag
It was sarcastic in the sense that this technology is about as secure as a whore's panties.
Mine doesn't wear panties.
But I do.
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