The Exceptionally Late Grendku Awards Ceremony: Part 2
Alright. I'm back, fully refreshed and hydrated. As MooCow is successfully bound and Jesster is sitting in between MooCow and dewdew now, I believe we can begin. Oh and Jesster has been given a 15" metal edged ruler to smack anyone that tries to mess with Moo in his defenseless state. Not that I'm referring to anyone in particular, Beo.
dewdew started off the 'ku frenzy with his epic extravanga, which for lack of a better name I'm going to call Jill's Bung. Now had I been a contestant this week, *I* would have been intimidated by dewdew's performance. But as I'm the judge, jury and executioner I know that if dewdew really would have wanted to intimidate me, he would have done his hula hula dance in his usual style which is, of course, fully oiled and completely naked. Remember when I said you can receive a maximum of 5 points? Oh, I didn't say that? Well, I'm saying it now. And I'm giving dewdew 6. Ah, it's good to be king.
Beo paints us quite a variety of mental images with his Grendku It's a Party! Now the Grendku Writing Association of America (or the GWAA) has given these images two different ratings. One is (R) as it has a fig leaf attempting to cover most of Beo's privates and the other is (XXX and X), which is, of course, sans fig leaf. I am giving Beo the full 5 points for his imaginary visual feast to which he has treated us. Oh, Jesster, Moo's hands are turning blue, loosen him up a bit. Oh, he was in your blue food jar earlier.. right.
katehopeeden joins the fray this week and shares her fear of having red fruit lobbed at her. Welcome and rest assured, there will be no abuse of Grendku virgins here! It's simply not tolerated. Create the pure or perverse, any and all are enjoyed. Now, let's take a look... your form is flawless. On the Outside and Wine Bung both have perfect 7-5-7 meter. All of the ingredients are accounted for in your Grendku cooking. You aced your first Grendku test! A full 5 points. Sadly what this means is that you are no longer a Grendku virgin. As a fully deflowered member of the Grendku community you are now a target for 'maters. Don't worry, we throw underhand at newer members until the bruises are calloused up a bit. Oh, and thanks for compliment on my blog!
And another hail and welcome to darth smallberries! I suggest you all walk eggshells around darth smallberries. It appears the Electroids have not only become aware of the Force, but have mastered it to the point of becoming Sith as well. Not to mention he may just have an overthruster in his pocket. Should he decide to whip that out and get all overthrusty on your tushie, don't say I didn't warn you. Now that I've revealed the depths of my science fiction geekdom I'm going to attempt to regain composure by... yeah, there's no real recourse for redemption at this point is there? I'm kinda hopeless I know. darth smallberries' pair of haikus Tasty Bits and That One Word score him the full 5 points. It's all there.. meter, ingredients, dash of eroticism, splash of vulgarity... all too yummy.
Dragonfly zips in, hovers, unleashes her haiku The Waiting Game upon us and darts away. Dragonfly took the smallest form (5-7-5) and managed to weave in three the ingredients. Oh, and upon review of your haiku by myself, a host of overpayed and mildly drunken back-up judges, sixteen South American soccer referees and a fruit bat we have found absolutely No Suckage in your haiku. And trust me this teams knows all the twists and turns of The Suck. I'm granting you three points for your ingredients and an extra point because I'm having all sorts of wicked thoughts of what's gonna happen to that poor frou-frou tribe when they stumble into those cannibals. 4 points for Dragonfly.
MooCow shares something personal with us in his epic I have dubbed My Friend. As I read over this series of colorful culinary-cast creations I am left with a nagging question. With all of the places that jeans now stamp their names, which one was it where your friend bit you? And is this person still your friend? Has going out to eat with this friend taken on a new dangerous undertone for you? Oh, that's a full 5 points by the way. Oh, and a bonus point for the epic. But I'm taking away half a point because you didn't make a Grendku again. But I'm giving you a quarter of point because I think he bit you in the ass. Or the groin. If it's the groin I'll actually give you a third of a point instead of the quarter. So MooCow will receive either 5.75 or 5.83333333 points depending on where his cannibal buddy bit him.
Thus endeth another Grendku Awards Ceremony, rather appropriately I think, with some crazed lunatic firmly planting his or her full set of ivorys in MooCow's nether regions. Best Ending Evar.
dewdew started off the 'ku frenzy with his epic extravanga, which for lack of a better name I'm going to call Jill's Bung. Now had I been a contestant this week, *I* would have been intimidated by dewdew's performance. But as I'm the judge, jury and executioner I know that if dewdew really would have wanted to intimidate me, he would have done his hula hula dance in his usual style which is, of course, fully oiled and completely naked. Remember when I said you can receive a maximum of 5 points? Oh, I didn't say that? Well, I'm saying it now. And I'm giving dewdew 6. Ah, it's good to be king.
Beo paints us quite a variety of mental images with his Grendku It's a Party! Now the Grendku Writing Association of America (or the GWAA) has given these images two different ratings. One is (R) as it has a fig leaf attempting to cover most of Beo's privates and the other is (XXX and X), which is, of course, sans fig leaf. I am giving Beo the full 5 points for his imaginary visual feast to which he has treated us. Oh, Jesster, Moo's hands are turning blue, loosen him up a bit. Oh, he was in your blue food jar earlier.. right.
katehopeeden joins the fray this week and shares her fear of having red fruit lobbed at her. Welcome and rest assured, there will be no abuse of Grendku virgins here! It's simply not tolerated. Create the pure or perverse, any and all are enjoyed. Now, let's take a look... your form is flawless. On the Outside and Wine Bung both have perfect 7-5-7 meter. All of the ingredients are accounted for in your Grendku cooking. You aced your first Grendku test! A full 5 points. Sadly what this means is that you are no longer a Grendku virgin. As a fully deflowered member of the Grendku community you are now a target for 'maters. Don't worry, we throw underhand at newer members until the bruises are calloused up a bit. Oh, and thanks for compliment on my blog!
And another hail and welcome to darth smallberries! I suggest you all walk eggshells around darth smallberries. It appears the Electroids have not only become aware of the Force, but have mastered it to the point of becoming Sith as well. Not to mention he may just have an overthruster in his pocket. Should he decide to whip that out and get all overthrusty on your tushie, don't say I didn't warn you. Now that I've revealed the depths of my science fiction geekdom I'm going to attempt to regain composure by... yeah, there's no real recourse for redemption at this point is there? I'm kinda hopeless I know. darth smallberries' pair of haikus Tasty Bits and That One Word score him the full 5 points. It's all there.. meter, ingredients, dash of eroticism, splash of vulgarity... all too yummy.
Dragonfly zips in, hovers, unleashes her haiku The Waiting Game upon us and darts away. Dragonfly took the smallest form (5-7-5) and managed to weave in three the ingredients. Oh, and upon review of your haiku by myself, a host of overpayed and mildly drunken back-up judges, sixteen South American soccer referees and a fruit bat we have found absolutely No Suckage in your haiku. And trust me this teams knows all the twists and turns of The Suck. I'm granting you three points for your ingredients and an extra point because I'm having all sorts of wicked thoughts of what's gonna happen to that poor frou-frou tribe when they stumble into those cannibals. 4 points for Dragonfly.
MooCow shares something personal with us in his epic I have dubbed My Friend. As I read over this series of colorful culinary-cast creations I am left with a nagging question. With all of the places that jeans now stamp their names, which one was it where your friend bit you? And is this person still your friend? Has going out to eat with this friend taken on a new dangerous undertone for you? Oh, that's a full 5 points by the way. Oh, and a bonus point for the epic. But I'm taking away half a point because you didn't make a Grendku again. But I'm giving you a quarter of point because I think he bit you in the ass. Or the groin. If it's the groin I'll actually give you a third of a point instead of the quarter. So MooCow will receive either 5.75 or 5.83333333 points depending on where his cannibal buddy bit him.
Thus endeth another Grendku Awards Ceremony, rather appropriately I think, with some crazed lunatic firmly planting his or her full set of ivorys in MooCow's nether regions. Best Ending Evar.
12 Comments:
Good to have you back.
Ditto on PMP.
*touch*
I feel like I could use another one already Beo. Beware the Jesster armed with metal edged rule. Although I'll bet she'll let you have the first Moo-touch as a freebie.
My muse did do most of the work, but sleep deprived partial insanity may have played a minor role as well.
It's good to be partially back dewdew, but I have a ways to go. And I know relatives get a freebie touch. Don't even need a coupon.
Reading part 2 first I thought about why my hands were bound, but then I thought I didn't particularly want to know. And then I thought about how there was going to be touching. And then I was sad.
Why does my comment not show up on the blog itself? Or am I just losing my mind...
Well, if you hadn't kept asking all those questions you have have been just fine for Part 2. And nobody touched you! Until the comments came 'round of course. And why be sad?
Grend: Welcome back, and thanks for the recognition.
Your 'grading' of my 'ku made me howl with laughter.
I'm just sorry I missed out on the touching of Moo... why does he get so sad?
So dewdew won?
Dragonfly,
The staff of Grendku Industries thanks you for you for your thanking and howling. We aim to please 'round these parts. Granted our aim usually likened to that of a soused blind palsied wombat.
Moo portays himself as sad when touched because he knows if he presents the truth that he loves it so, we may stop touching him and hold the touching as a type of ransom. He is a master of reverse psychology.
MooCow MooCow MooCow,
*sigh*
I would think by now, Mr. MooCow, that you would know that there are no winners and no losers when it comes to Grendku Get Togethers. There's only a hot tub full of jello and a standing invite to jump in naked.
Ah, the curse of familial tremors. A small price to pay for their collective quirky brilliance. I figure it's just all those neurons and synapses that are just itching to be used.
Ah, and that should have read: Granted our aim *IS* usually likened to that of a soused blind palsied wombat.
Not quite as awake as I thought I was.
Is there an open invitation to the hot tub full of jello - and where does one find said hot tub?
Oh... and will MooCow be there as I feel I have some *touch*ing to do?
Open invitation: yes. Where: just over yonder.
And yes, Moo will be there after a certain amount of drugging, restraining, and assisted clothing removal.
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