Party Anxiety or "The Life and Times of the Socially 'Challenged'"

Poor Jesster. We've been invited to a party in which the attendees shall most likely be 20-somethings, all of them it sounds like. Now suffice it to say I'm far from my 20-somethings. It's all a distant memory. A fading blip on my radar of life. I cannot possibly keep up with these whipper snapperz. They'll be running circles around me. Jesster will look over at me and know the look on my face. That clueless stare resembling that of a deer on Highway 12 late at night about to have a really unpleasant encounter with a 16 wheeler clocking about 90. I'll get a gentle pat on the shoulder followed by a quiet, "It's OK dear, it'll be OK."

Furthermore I have all the social graces of a Tasmanian devil in heat suffering from fleas. Did I mention Poor Jesster? Good, want to make sure that point is perfectly clear. Let's break it down systematically as to why I should feel completely anxious about attending any party whatsoever:

1.) Party Game Suckage

I suck at party games. Trivia is usually involved in these games. My brain's processor and memory barely have the power to maintain my autonomic bodily functions. There are no cycles left over to push much into long term memory in order to retain any superfluous tidbits of information. So when games involving any type of knowledge of these tidbits, I'm usually at a loss.

2.) It's Small and Inadequate

Of course I'm talking about small talk. What did you think...? You prevert*! Keep your hands where I can see them!* For shame. My small talk skills are inadequate for these events, that's what I meant. Clearly. A good portion of my life is spent avoiding small talk at work. It's almost become instinctual. I avoid most elements of Pop Culture like the plague, therefore limiting my small talk source pool and furthering my image as Socially "Challenged".

*ala Dr. Strangelove

3.) The Sponge

In large settings I like to listen and absorb what's happening around me. That's where my most of my energies go. I may appear to be quietly sitting there not doing much, but trust me... the 386 processor mentioned in item #1 is probably overheating as it's trying to chunk through all the data being tossed at it by my sensory inputs. I also speak like I write (see second post). The end result being that I sit back and let others have the floor while I happily digest their words, thoughts and ideas.

All of this culminates in a Party-Grend31-Creature that ends up usually having a good time at these festivities, but rarely leaves much of an impact or impression upon the party itself. That's not a bad thing I guess. Just make sure I'm not slotted as one of your Life of the Party People if you risk having me over.