Going to War

This weekend saw a sad tide of events. Suffice to say, we are now at war. The casualty expectations are high and the cost of the war is going to be burdensome, but we shall overcome. Perhaps I'd best start at the beginning though, so you can understand why we must now to war.

As with most heated political situations it boils down to economics. In this case, foodstuffs. Relatively low value in terms of the vast global economy, but very valuable when supplies are limitied. In the supply and demand model sometimes demand goes unmet, in which case there are consequences. Usually it starts with words, negotiations in most cases. But in this case there is nothing that can be said. Nothing can change the course of things to come. Certain events have pushed us to a brink from which there is no return.

As usual I cannot name the specific location of our military operation as it would tip off the enemy. Usually considered a stragetic no-no in these scenarios. Or so I'm told. But suffice to say there is an editorial office of two dozen employees who are eating my cream cheese chocolate cupcakes at this very moment. In their current gorging frenzy, this staff can easily be taken by surprise.

In my green ski mask I shall descend upon them. And with a hail of spitwads and rubberbands I shall assail them. Under the Geneva Convention I am given right of use of these weapons so don't try to stop me. When the last cupcake gorger has fled I shall liberate the remaining cupcakes and deliver them to freedom. Then I'm gonna eat them. Eat them all. Then this editorial staff shall know my true wrath. Upon my exit I shall tie their bathroom stall doors shut from the inside and shaving cream the floor underneath. I shall fill all their desk drawers with packing peanuts and hide all their rolodexes. They will rue the day they took away my super scrumptious chocolate cheesecake topped cakey good muffins.