Again, apologies to Paul Henning (you all know the tune...)

Come and listen to a story about a man named Spam
A poor businessman, innocent as a virgin lamb,
Then one day he was sending out some porn,
Down went his pipe and he was forever forlorn.

Deacted that is, dead fiber, null routed...

Well the first thing you know ol Spam's on the phone,
Tech support sez "Spam leave us the hell alone"
Sez "Spam you'll havta to talk to Security"
So they transfer him up to us and back to monotony...

Calls, that is. Idiotic fools, call-stat wars.

Well now is the time when Spam calls us a fuckin' jerk
Security sez, "Spam yer off da network!"
And with a snickering grin and tone gleefully...
"Yer gonna have to find yerself a new ISP"

Gone that is. Go to hell, Talk your head off...

Y'all ain't coming back now, y'hear?.