The Brigadiere Replies: Smiggins and Bird Foofy
My Dear Lady Dragonfly,
Despite the fact that Smiggins has recently gone on a quest to a remote monastery, wrestled and slaughtered several asses so my curiosity could be sated in regards to the taste of burritos and donkitos and the fact I need some serious footwork done this evening (sandblasting the old corns again) I'd still send Smiggins over to have him thoroughly freshen up that cage. Except there is one small problem. Smiggins is horribly allergic to bird foofy. I believe you all have this superhero Supraman or something like that who is horribly touchy to kryptonium of some such thing. It's like that. Except much worse. Last time Smiggins caught a bit of pigeon foofy from a sneak attack aerial raid his entire body swelled up twice its normal size. I consulted some rather old and dusty medical texts and found that the best treatment for this was to make lance marks all about his body with a straight razor and insert small bits of bamboo in them to drain the fluid. Marvelous thing medicine. Worked like a charm!
So I must apologize profusely Lady Dragonfly, for while I would normally send Smiggins off to do the most trivial, dangerous and completely pointless ventures I cannot possibly ask him do this one meaningful simple thing that you request. I truly feel out of sorts. Last time I asked him to clean a smudge of bird foofy off the windows I thought my evening tea tasted a bit bitter that night. Then I remembered seeing the hemlock trimmed quite nicely earlier in the day after Smiggins had donned an old high pressure diving suit to scrape the dootie as it were. Gave me a bit of a start. Fortunately I have the constitution of an African rhinoceros.
We keep the suit in the cellar to scare away salespersons and bill collectors. Smiggins takes much joy in putting it on, wielding a rather large garden trovel and howling like he's in there with a swarm of bees.
So very very sorry I cannot help you in this matter.
Yours feeling oddly more impotent than normal,
Sir Brigadiere General Grend31, Mrs.
Despite the fact that Smiggins has recently gone on a quest to a remote monastery, wrestled and slaughtered several asses so my curiosity could be sated in regards to the taste of burritos and donkitos and the fact I need some serious footwork done this evening (sandblasting the old corns again) I'd still send Smiggins over to have him thoroughly freshen up that cage. Except there is one small problem. Smiggins is horribly allergic to bird foofy. I believe you all have this superhero Supraman or something like that who is horribly touchy to kryptonium of some such thing. It's like that. Except much worse. Last time Smiggins caught a bit of pigeon foofy from a sneak attack aerial raid his entire body swelled up twice its normal size. I consulted some rather old and dusty medical texts and found that the best treatment for this was to make lance marks all about his body with a straight razor and insert small bits of bamboo in them to drain the fluid. Marvelous thing medicine. Worked like a charm!
So I must apologize profusely Lady Dragonfly, for while I would normally send Smiggins off to do the most trivial, dangerous and completely pointless ventures I cannot possibly ask him do this one meaningful simple thing that you request. I truly feel out of sorts. Last time I asked him to clean a smudge of bird foofy off the windows I thought my evening tea tasted a bit bitter that night. Then I remembered seeing the hemlock trimmed quite nicely earlier in the day after Smiggins had donned an old high pressure diving suit to scrape the dootie as it were. Gave me a bit of a start. Fortunately I have the constitution of an African rhinoceros.
We keep the suit in the cellar to scare away salespersons and bill collectors. Smiggins takes much joy in putting it on, wielding a rather large garden trovel and howling like he's in there with a swarm of bees.
So very very sorry I cannot help you in this matter.
Yours feeling oddly more impotent than normal,
Sir Brigadiere General Grend31, Mrs.
1 Comments:
Poor Smiggins.
Allergic to Bird Fooey.
(I kind of wish I had that problem).
I am sure that the problem will rectify itself eventually, currently I am devising a method of training the parrot to clean his own cage... it is just taking longer than originally thought.
It will get done though.
As always your response was worth its weight in gold.
DF
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