Untimely and Unseemly Grendku Awards Ceremony...

Kind of like my conception and subsequent life, respectively.

We had a ton of Grendkus and you guys really outdid yourselves this time. Gemstones each and every one. I've rummaged around my closet and found some appropriate awards. I shall even tell you from which part of my closet your award was located. It only seems fitting. *winces* Ok, that was awful, I apologize. Or apologise, whichever you prefer. Really, I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

Beowo1|='s Grendku, which I am calling Zip-lock (and I should apologize for that as well - but it just came to me) is so much more than just a string of phrases about a new car and stupid traffic. It's about being contained in a pretty shiny plastic container and not being able to open it up. I am torn as to which award on this one.. which is a bad sign this early into the Ceremony. On the one hand he should get the Inertial Insanity of the Morning Commute Award. But on the other hand sits the Award for the First Grendku Ever to Use the Word Vroom which is, of course, the first part of the name Vroomfondle, a very very important name. You leave me no choice but to give you this unholy combination of both: The First Insane Word Grendku Using Inertia Morning Award Vroom. *Fondle*.

This award was found in the pants pocket of my REI convertable pants. Flexible they are.. they can be pants.... or shorts.

PunkRockPrincess steps up to the plate and cracks a home run with Carcrash. Or Trainwreck. Or Some Horrible Natural Disaster You Just Can't Help Yourself From Watching. I really need to get decisive here, I'm losing it. Pick your fav PRP. There is only one possible award for this Grendku, thankfully. And it's the Nauseously Mesmerized by the Vapid Horror that is that French-City-Named Bitch Award. This award should come with a lifetime prescription for Visine to help get the Paris out, but due to recent financial difficulties all we can afford are some spare tears induced by having my eyes assaulted with her visage without warning during channel surfing.

This award should have been found in a sleeping mask left carelessly on the floor of my closet as a commentary on averting all eyes from French-City-Named Bitch. Sadly I don't own one, though. Instead it was found inside a sock. Because we all know PRP's affinity for socks. If we don't... we should.

MooCow brings home the bacon in his Grendku named Usually That Kind of Sound Comes from my Butt not my Tire. Now we see the inherent danger of not naming your Grendkus before you post them up. Oh, and his wasn't a Grendku. Again. It was a haiku. Since the beauty of the haiku is in essence imagery condensed to a few words MooCow earns the Brevity is Blisssssssssssssssssssssss Award.

And you know where I found your award MooCow. In that milkcrate. On the floor. Of my closet. You know the one. Yeah that one. The one holding my undapants.

Paula's Grendku Multi Media Addiction hits me in a tender place and makes me squeal like a tasered piglet. Not having either of the pretty boxes which makes cool shapes and colors and sounds working makes Jack a dull boy. And when Jack feels dull, Jack finds things like axes and loses things like sanity. This Grendku is a special public service announcement as it reminds us (me) of the fragile state of our (my) psyche. Given unto you Paula is the It's a Really Tricky Balance Award for Grendku Reminding Grend31 Just How Cool The Shining Was. Man, those trophy-name carving people have to be putting together a fund to have me rubbed out.

And it should be painfully obviously as to where I found this award. In the fold of my largest sweater. It's sleeves are so long they can be tied together in the back. Isn't that convenient?

Jesster gets all druidic on our buttocks in her nature-filled soaking Verdant Vexation. I'm very much ready for a little less rain and a little more sun these days. Bring on the day-star-light stuff. From our sun-thingie. Up the wattage! Burn off the clouds! Down with precip! Up with solar rad! Oh yeah, she gets an award too.. almost forgot 'cause I got so worked up. As this Grendku makes me yearn for more sun and less allergy irritating spores from hell she wins the Bring on the Fungal Frying Flame Award.

I found this award amongst a piece of clothing that Jesster bought me. Which really doesn't narrow it down much now, does it?

A* comments on the lusty demon of self-poisoning in Grey Goose Gehenna. And truly... can there be any stronger love-hate relationship than that between a human being and a bottle of the Russian Ripple? I don't think so Tim. It cures all your woes, only to reveal it's price the next morning. Oh, and your problems are still there too. Lying bastard. Not that I have any experience with that or anything. *ahem* ANYway.. keeping in the metallic theme: A* wins the Silver Shotglass of Sinful Servitude Award.

This award was conveniently plucked from the pocket of my brown leather sportcoat and was polished on it's sleeve.

dewdew's masterpiece Afore Midday Oakenstaff will surely earn himself a place of honor in the halls of Grendku history. Never before has a morning stiffy been so eloquently elaborated upon in so few words. Others may try to outdo it, but little do they know... dewdew likes it on top and plans to stay there. At least until he's done. dewdew wins the But It's Your Wifely Morning Duty Award.

This award was found far back in the corner of my closet where it was trying to hit on a dust bunny. Unsuccessfully I might add.