Malice in Wonder Land: Part One
Sometimes I feel like I've fallen down a deep dark hole. Today would be one of those days. Could be a rabbit hole. Or perhaps it's a hole of a large wooden badger. I don't know who the previous resident of the hole is or was and to tell you the truth it really doesn't matter. It's these types of digressions, by the way, that keep us from focusing and developing the true unharnassed power of our brains. Instead of wasting all those thoughts in my life on trivial matters I should have been meditating and developing my untapped psychic energies. I'd be able to split atoms with a thought. Or pick up idiotic coworkers and slam them into the wall with a gaze. Hell, I'd settle for being able to heat my soup, which I regularly have for lunch, by sheer force of will.
But no, instead I'm trying to work in references to The Holy Grail and trekking off to the microwave where I have to wait for some cretin who drops his hamburger patty, recently summoned from the wheel of death, on the floor, counts to four, picks it up, looks at me indignantly and shoves his tainted meat byproduct back in the bun and into the last functioning microwave on this side of the building. He then nonchalantly acts as if he hasn't done something completely disgusting.
Now in my own home, I'd pick that sucker up with no count at all. Thirty seconds.. no problem. I say thirty second rule because that's pretty much your max time before my cat has been wakened by the sound of food hitting the floor, had time to stretch momentarily and the mad dash for the kitchen has been completed. The lunchroom floor at work is a completely different matter. There are only a handful of places where I'd have to stop and say, "Honey, I cannot make The Nookie with you here. It's too filthy." This would be one of those places. And this says a lot people. Because I can tolerate a lot for Nookie. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was tumbling down the chute.
And the end of my tumble I arrive on the top of my head upside down in a place which can only be described as Wonder Land. Because the denizens and happenings in this place really make you wonder.
But no, instead I'm trying to work in references to The Holy Grail and trekking off to the microwave where I have to wait for some cretin who drops his hamburger patty, recently summoned from the wheel of death, on the floor, counts to four, picks it up, looks at me indignantly and shoves his tainted meat byproduct back in the bun and into the last functioning microwave on this side of the building. He then nonchalantly acts as if he hasn't done something completely disgusting.
Now in my own home, I'd pick that sucker up with no count at all. Thirty seconds.. no problem. I say thirty second rule because that's pretty much your max time before my cat has been wakened by the sound of food hitting the floor, had time to stretch momentarily and the mad dash for the kitchen has been completed. The lunchroom floor at work is a completely different matter. There are only a handful of places where I'd have to stop and say, "Honey, I cannot make The Nookie with you here. It's too filthy." This would be one of those places. And this says a lot people. Because I can tolerate a lot for Nookie. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was tumbling down the chute.
And the end of my tumble I arrive on the top of my head upside down in a place which can only be described as Wonder Land. Because the denizens and happenings in this place really make you wonder.
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